Being 'productive' is my excuse for loneliness.

 I would stay seated for hours, sitting at my desktop and scrolling back and forth through useless tabs that had accumulated over time. What had I done today? Nothing of productivity, of course, my lazy ass just continued to scroll back and forth. Did I hope something would happen, yes, did I hope it would trigger some spark of amusement, yes, but of course, nothing happened. As boring as sheet of A4 paper, I dragged my mouse across the screen and thought, I should play games! And of course - games that I always played. And of course - by myself. I didn't understand why it was impossible to find anyone who shared a similar personality to mine. Was I that complex? And what made people repent the idea of being close friends with me? However, as the hours grew throughout the day, the amount of loneliness rose. I'd always wondered where 'my people' were, were they climbing to the peak of Antarctica, were they busy sipping cups of coffee at a local Starbucks, or were they just nowhere to be found? Clearly, the last option suits me best. Because the more I yearn for them, the fewer chances I'll find them. Who would know that being 18 could be this lonely? Isn't there so much more I should be doing, I should just get my ass off this chair and do something? But every time I do something nothing happens, so I guess I should just continue to stay seated.