Drugs

You are my drug and it drives me crazy. I beg to myself to stop it from happening but I keep on asking for more. More that will keep me digging myself deeper in a hole; more that will drown me inside the prison of my room as I await your texts and calls, more that will only flood my tear ducts with unwarranted sorrows, and more of that unwelcoming feeling... the over-reactive protector pain. But does it help? Do you help? Or is it just going to be the end of me again? Fuck off pain because I don't understand you. 

 I can not cup pain in the palms of my hands and tell you how much I see. Because pain is like the wind, I react to the unseen pressure of it moving me to the left and to the right. And I hate it, why must it have so much control over me when I don't want it too?